Consequences are those actions that must be taken in order to continue your consistency of your rules and boundaries. Wait, you don’t have rules and boundaries?  Perhaps we must begin there.

Rules and boundaries are essential in every part of our life and it certainly should begin at home.  Now, don’t misunderstand I’m not talking about the extreme measures used long ago. Remember or perhaps you are unaware that I came from a household of extreme discipline.  In my opinion, and my opinion alone, this is not entirely necessary.

Sure some children will not respond to anything other than a big stick, but if rules are set early on, they will understand that they exist and consequences will follow.  As far as consequences, they are extremely essential.  If you child misbehaves, you should communicate why the action is unacceptable and continue with a consequence.  This is merely part of the learning process.

I like to compare this process to that of a puppy.  When, not if he soils on the floor, he is taught immediately where he must perform his business.  It is definitely a learning process for the dog and one that is learned rather quickly because of the consequences that follow.

When instilling rules and boundaries in your home, consequences can consist of removing an activity or item that is precious to your child.  At time this works but other times, more severe consequences are necessary.  However, if the severe are necessary is it important to be calm before following through with such consequences.  Which of course leads to the other C which stands for consistency.  Your child will learn the rules and boundaries if you are consistent with your follow through.

This is a practice that is learned first in the home and continues on forever.  When your child attends school, there are rules that must be followed, and those rules continue well into adulthood.  Consequences do not necessarily have to be physical in nature but are indeed necessary in the upbringing of our children.

Have you ever had to tell a child about death?  Although we as adults understand that death is inevitable, our children have a difficult time with it.  Let’s face it some adults have a difficult time too.  So how do we approach this subject with our children.

We share stories and experiences but somehow it is still difficult to accept.  The best thing to do is to let your children mourn.  It’s okay to cry, it’s actually very healthy to let out your pain.  For some it comes in the form of tears while others will scream or possibly become very angry.  We will all express sorrow in different forms, but what’s important is to allow the mourning to occur.

I’m no stranger to loss.  Having lost both parents I am very familiar with the feelings that follow a loss.  Now just recently we lost a puppy and our oldest dog which was like a child to us.  I’ve experienced many losses and each one is more difficult than the other.  Our children will not understand the process of death and will look to us for explanation.

Wow, that is definitely the hardest part.  Why does parenting have to be so difficult? Oh yeah, now I remember.  It’s difficult but that’s all part of making it that more meaningful. Helping to form little lives into wonderful and respectful adults is an amazing task and am truly blessed to have the opportunity to have this experience.

Whether you are a parent or not, let’s not forget that we can all make a lasting impression in a child’s life.  We are watched at all times and imitated as well.  Sharing our emotions whether happy or sad is part of our lessons to children. Letting them know that it is perfectly normal to be sad, hurt, cry and even scream.  That is all part of the mourning process, but also letting them know that it is part of life. This realization will help them accept it quicker.

We’ve taught our children that all things that live will eventually die.  In some cases it will happen sooner than expected.

Death is never fun, but we know it is necessary.  Communicating to our children this subject is one of great importance. This lesson is never an easy one, and I wish I could tell you that it will get easier, but I can’t. Remember to be there for your children and loved ones when this occurs and be part of the support system, that’s the most important part during times like these.

I recently posted this video on my Youtube Channel and wanted to share here with you.  As a mom of 5 very different children, I seem to have more of a problem with boys.  Perhaps its because I am a female, but thankfully my husband is always available to help and give me insight on boys.  Enjoy the video below:

Everyone knows that I enjoy writing and sharing tips regarding families and parenting.  Today, let’s focus on relationships.  Let’s face it without relationships we wouldn’t have families, friends, spouses, children, businesses, and the list can go on.

With that in mind, I ask you this: Are you not speaking to someone you love?

Think back.  It may have happened yesterday or even last month.  Perhaps it occurred several years ago.  It could have been something that was said or something that was done.  It may involve your sibling, your parents or even your child.  They may have said or done something that hurt you deeply.  Communication has been lost and the angry feelings are still fresh.

Or perhaps, it was you who said the words or did something hurtful.  Consider calling that person today and ask for forgiveness.  You may have not been the one at fault, but do it anyway.  Don’t explain your apology, just say it!  Life is too short and we never know what will happen tomorrow.

Use your words to heal someone today.

Many parents often have problems or issues with discipline.  They claim they have strong willed children and they just are at a loss with the subject of discipline.

Often, the problem with discipline isn’t the children — it’s the parents!

Many will complain that their children will not behave.  Perhaps Mom and Dad are just too busy or too tired to handle the situations effectively and lovingly with disciplining their children.

All too often these parents will throw their hands up in the air, look for quick fixes or discipline inconsistently.  Not too long ago, my husband and I decided to cut back on all the extra curricular activities for both the children and ourselves.

We realized that we needed more time and energy to focus on shaping and handling our children’s behavior.

Parents, we need to change our behavior before we can expect our children to change theirs.

Instead of saying ‘Do as I say, not as I do’..we need to concentrate on ‘Do a I say and as I do’.  These words will keep us accountable for our actions as parents and we will see the changes in our children’s behaviors.

Those are results we all want as parents.

Wow!! The first part of Encourage Your Children Series was amazing, so much so that I’ve added a second part.

The second part of Encourage Your Children begins today, (2/2/10) and will continue every Tuesday evening through the end of February.

Now you may be wondering why I put together this seminar series; well I decided to share that with you here.

As a parent of 5 children, I am always looking for ways to encourage my children. It seems that the world is changing on a daily basis and sometimes we as parents simply need encouragement to raise our children.  As much as we want to think that we know it all, we don’t.  Until we can admit that to ourselves, then we can’t move forward.  How can we possibly help our children if we are not willing to ask for help ourselves.

My entire goal and mission is to help parents raise happy, healthy and stable children.  However, I am not one that thinks I know all the solutions, honestly who does?  That is why I go back and ask those who have walked this same path before.  Oh sure, times have changed but parenting hasn’t.

I speak to parents of all ages and all generations daily and they all say the same thing.  Life is tough, but with love, patience and support you can survive.

Another question I’ve been asked is this:  Did you put this program together to make money?  My simple answer is absolutely!  My goal is not only to help your family but to also help my family.  Any business’ intention is to make money in order to continue moving forward and to simply survive as a business.

Whoever tells you that they just want to share with you, with no strings attached is lying.  Yep, I said it.  Why? Because sooner or later they will hit you sales letters, emails, products, etc to make money.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with that, but the approach is definitely wrong.

My mom always told me that ‘honesty is the best policy’ and that is something I instill upon my children daily.  So, did I put this program together and invite wonderful speakers to help encourage you? Yes!  Did I put it together in hopes to make some money? Yes!  Do I expect to make millions and retire from this program? Ha, nope.

This series is very important and the speakers worked very hard to share ways to help encourage you and your children.  The series is available for a pre-sale price and will then be offered as a complete set in March.  To listen live and have access to the recordings for 24 hours at NO COST to you…please visit: http://encourageyourchildren.com

If what you heard is something that you would like to keep and perhaps listen to again once your children are grown and perhaps going through the stages we discuss, then purchase the set.  This is not meant to be a pushy sales pitch, simply another way to help encourage your children.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and allowing me to be completely transparent with you.

I recently asked a question on one of my favorite social networking sites.  Which site?  It’s called Twitter and if you are not a part of it, you are missing out of meeting some Fabulous people.  So getting back to my question.  I was curious to read what lessons folks remember their parents teaching them.

So I asked this question: What is a life lesson that your mom or dad taught you?

I enjoyed all the responses I received and wanted to share some here with you. {Some will actually be in an upcoming project}

Here are some special ones:

@MomRN said:  ‘Never let having one leg keep me from living my dreams. Thanks, Mom!’

@GinaParris said: “Beauty is as beauty does” (which ironically I never understood till well into my teen years!)

Here are some that we have heard and hopefully still apply:

@MagneticSilvia said: ‘If you started it, you need to finish it.’

@SGSilverman said: ‘Don’t be the boy who cried wolf.’

@CEngeron said: ‘No game is worth playing if you have to cheat to win…and if you lose, do it with grace.’

Here are some funny ones:

@Latarahamying said: ‘My momma taught me  how to be like Ma’dea without a gun ’

@WomenWifeMomMe said: Life Lesson learned from my Mommy was “You can catch more flies with honey.” Balanced by my Dad’s “Don’t take any BS from anybody.”

@Flylilbutterfly: ‘I’ll give you two: Truly, unconditional love and 1 good pop in the mouth cured me from back talk…am I allowed to say that (ha)?’

I received so many more and they were incredible, those will be used elsewhere very soon.  Now it’s your turn.

What is a life lesson that your Mom or Dad taught you that you are passing on to your children/family?  Share in the comments section below.

Parenting is not an easy job.  We’ve heard this in the past, but of course did not become aware of it, until we indeed were parents.  The process seems harmless, well, except for the uncomfortable feeling when you’re pregnant and can’t seem to find a comfortable position to sleep.  Aside from that minor issue, the parenting process seems painless.

We watch our babies grow and cherish every smile and look they provide.  We get excited with their first words and cheer with their first step.  We are excited when they can sit up on their own and sip from a straw.  We giggle at the look on their faces when trying different foods for the first time.  All these moments are remarkable.

The wonders continue into the toddler stage and beyond.  Then they are old enough to get dressed on their own and begin to lock the bathroom door.  They become modest and you wonder, ‘When did this begin?’  However, this continues.  They begin to ask more and more difficult questions, and you wonder what happened to the questions like – ‘What does glass smell like?’

We then have pre-teens and then teens that begin to take an interest in the opposite gender or worse take interest in driving, eek!  We watch our babies grow into amazing individuals.  We listen to the words they speak and wonder where the years have gone.  They become enticed by ‘not-so-family friendly’ shows on the television and the monitoring begins.  Of course the monitoring was always there, but now it appears to be more excessive.

Our children become independent and no longer want to call you ‘Mommy’ instead they call you ‘Mom’.  You struggle to hold on to that little boy or girl that depended on your every need.  You watch as they grow and no longer ache for your smile, or do they?

Parenting is not an easy job, but it is definitely a rewarding job.  Take pride in your actions and be confident that you have set the foundation to their formidable years.  Sure, they will trip and fall on occasion, but that is NORMAL.  We, parents are not perfect, so all we can do is the best we can.  Ask for help, it’s okay to do that.  Look at other moms who have successfully raised confident, and independent children.  They will have interesting stories to share, and lessons that they have  also learned.

Retro parenting is about looking back, before you can move forward.  When you have those days that you think you have failed, look back at the times that were good and build upon those.  You are not a failure and your child will always love you, even if they don’t say it in words.  Love your children, because they will grow into wonderful adults that will look back to you for advise and help.  Yes, that time will come and it will come quicker than you anticipate.

It’s not easy, but it is definitely worth it.  Don’t you agree?

How many times have you told or asked your child to say ‘excuse me’? Gee, there are times I feel like a broken record and then I wonder if they are really listening.  The ‘they’ I’m referring to are the ‘children’.  Yes, teaching manners is essential but no one ever told us how difficult it was to teach and instill manners.  How many times will I have to ask them to say ‘excuse me’ when I’m in the middle of a conversation or perhaps on the phone?  There are also times when they should say ‘excuse me’ when they bump into a person, and that person can be their siblings.  Or perhaps it was repeated when they ‘burp’ or release any other bodily odors..you know what I mean?

So, again I ask you … do you feel like a broken record?  I certainly do at times, and many times it is very frustrating.  What I have noticed is that with consistency it truly will work.  There are times that I wonder if they will ever use those 2 special words, and then there are times when they will surprise me.  I’ve actually overheard my younger children correct the older siblings and remind them to say ‘excuse me’.  Yes! That’s when I realize that they are listening to me.  Although I wonder if they will ever ‘get it’…they always seem to surprise me, which is a wonderful feeling.

Don’t give up! The time will come when your children will actually behave the way you have taught them.  And, no I don’t mean when they are asleep…they will truly start behaving as little people instead of little wrecking machines.  The moment may not be evident until after the tween years, but believe me it will happen.  As long as you don’t lose your cool, and you are consistent with the reminders and have them repeat after you.  Moms there’s hope and I am living proof.  With 5 children ages 6 to 18, there is never a dull moment.  I have experienced the times when I just want to pull my hair out, or the times when I feel I should just record my requests but there are also those times of amazement and love.  You are doing a great job, Mom..be patient, consistent and loving and all will fall into place.

Not quite a baby, not quite all grown up. It all comes down to a mother’s intuition at this in-between age. I want to push and encourage dear Lizzie to do so much, but she reminds me almost everyday that she isn’t quite grown up yet. She will cuddle with me on the couch and say, “Izzie be baby now?” She doesn’t want to grow all the way up, she always wants to know that she can snuggle in my arms and be safe from the harshness of monsters and chores. Well, chores she can’t escape but I will shoo away any monster that dares intimidate her.

Then, when she has the desire to accomplish something on her own, she will proudly proclaim, “I grew up now! I am bigger – like Mycah!” Mycah is her 4 year old cousin. I can tell that she will be following in lots of Mycah’s footsteps in the years to come.

The real challenge is balancing this burgeoning independence. How do you continue to push and encourage self sufficiency in a preschooler while also keeping them safe, close and reassured? I don’t want to over protect her but I also don’t want to make her world sans mommy and her loving arms.

As I said earlier, this is where the intuition comes in. I know my daughter and her fears, abilities and strengths. I can pretty well tell if she just needs a push or if she needs an embrace. My daughter has more fear than other kids her age. She won’t jump off the couch or climb out of her crib by herself. I have to teach her that my hands are close by but she can do it by herself. Her beautiful, gentle spirit needs to be encouraged to spark a flame of action.

Is this the same struggle parents have of teens, pre-teens and young adults? I am sure the question of how much to let go and how tightly to hold on is a very real challenge no matter the age of the child. I am looking forward to continuing in my quest for the proper balance. I only pray that I can continue to be so in-tuned to Lizzie that I can tell when I am holding her too close. Thankfully, I also have a husband who can tell me when I am doing so.

Above all, I want her to feel secure enough and free of fear so she can face the uncertainty of her future with confidence and strength. I hope her baby giggles turn into grown up laughter as she optimistically sets -and accomplishes – her goals! If I can be a part of the molding of her will then I will do all I can, but I think it is in what I don’t do that matters most.

Written by:

Annie Shultz of MamaDweeb.Com

Annie is a stay at home mom to Lizzie (2yrs) and Bubs (9 months). She lives on 20 acres in KS with her dog, cat and 3 goats. She blogs about all that is dear to her – family, her faith and all that she is learning as she lives her life one silly moment at a time!

The entire purpose of this site is to help YOU the parent with your parenting journey.

I love to share ideas, articles and anything else that has helped me with my parenting journey that I hope you will enjoy and perhaps try as well.

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You’ve heard the phrase before but have you truly applied it in your home.  At first you may wonder if it works and I can tell you that it does.

Wouldn’t you much rather enjoy your family time and create long-lasting memories with your children?  I’m sure you don’t want your children to describe you as a nag!  There was a time that I was described by my children as a nag, and let me tell you that was not pleasing to my ears.  So we, decided to make some changes in our home.

Our children, yes all 5, have responsibilities in our home.  We have a list posted in our kitchen with chores for each of our children.  However, cleaning their rooms is not listed. That is not considered a chore, but more as a responsibility to keep their living area clean.

If you have teens, you may consider their room a hazardous waste area and believe me sometimes I cringe at the thought.  Having 3 teens, I can certainly relate to unorganized rooms.  However, I’ve also decided to pick my battles. Instead of the constant nagging regarding their messy rooms, I choose to close the door.  I refuse to go into their rooms and quite honestly that alone, hurts their feelings.  They seem to enjoy hanging out in my room, because quite simply it is clean and consists of a visible floor.

Although I choose not to battle with the children about messy rooms they still endure consequences.  They understand that many of their desires will not be met until they clean their rooms.  No longer must I repeat the same mantra -’Is your room clean?’ or ‘You should be ashamed of this messy room’ or ‘Do I need to go into your room with a trash bag?’, and you get the drift.  We have decided to choose our battles wisely because the time will come when we need to sit down and discuss more important issues with our children.

For now, I choose to close the door.  The children understand and eventually get tired of tripping over their toys and amazingly enough will clean their rooms on their own.  It’s true, it happens!  This also I share from experience.  How about you?  Have you chosen to pick your battles?  Try it, it works!

Consistency is essential in every aspect of our lives, but it seems to be ultimately essential in the role of parenting. After speaking to a friend today, I was compelled to write this post. She is a teacher’s aide at a private institution and was truly amazed at how disrespectful children can be.  Of course, this was no surprise to me considering I see it on a daily basis. However I was saddened because although the children are being disrespectful, nothing is being done to rectify the situation.

Consistency begins at home and it is quite simple to do.  Think about when we have a pet such as dog or cat.  When they are in the training process of ‘potty training’ it requires consistency.  Every day for days on end sometimes months. Why don’t we apply the same process in our child rearing?  A child learns from consistency and consequences.  Now I’m NOT advocating severe punishment because quite honestly with consistency that is not necessary.

In order to see consistency in our children and their behavior, we as parents must be consistent as well.  It is important for parents to be on the same page, both mom and dad. If that is not possible, then it is essential for your support system to be on the same page. Nothing is more confusing to a child when they hear one adult say something and the other say something completely different.

Nothing pains me more than watching children misbehave and parents throwing their hands up in the air.  Have you ever wondered if that is the child’s form of cry for help?  Some children will have difficulty communicating and some are too young to fully express themselves, so they act out instead.  Take the time to listen to your children and express the rules and boundaries of your household to them. Remember without consistency there is chaos.  Consistency is the key to success.

Yes, you read the title correctly – I’m a Retro Mama.

I believe you can be one too.  It’s not a bad thing, actually it’s one that can save your family.  Let’s face it the economy is not getting any better but it’s something we can certainly survive.  It seems that this is all cyclic and if we ask some of the folks from older generations they will agree that this is something they survived once before.  We may be too young to realize that our parents and perhaps our grandparents suffered with a failing economy and made changes within their families that were necessary for survival.

Although we may not think that it is possible to survive, just listen to the stories.  It’s true that our era is different with technology and such but it is all relevant.  They were on the cutting age of technology with the color television as we are with netbooks and 3D televisions.  We need to listen to realize that we can survive, as long as we don’t panic.

Many sacrifices were made in the past to raise happy, healthy and stable children that we can apply to our families today.  Why must we feel that we NEED to give our children what we never had?  Our children NEED us, our love and our support.  Our children enjoy our company and can easily adapt to changes.  We need to understand that changes are occurring and with the proper choices we can all survive.

Our family has definitely seen changes and they have all been positive. Although they were not easy at first, with time it was a new routine that was accepted.  No longer do we run from one extra-curricular activity to another.  We actually eat meals together as a family more than ever before.  The children have ‘down-time’ to be children.  I know that sounds silly but it’s true.  The stress I was unconsciously providing was one that was unnecessary.

Explaining to our children the state of the economy is a necessary one but not one that has to be depressing.  Use your imagination and develop projects and games that don’t have to break the bank.  Cooking more meals together as a family is great.  Teaching your children how to live frugally is essential.  Remember our children are our future and nothing will please us more as parents as watching our children grow into happy, healthy and stable adults.

Are you a Retro Mama?  I am and I’m raising Retro Kids…won’t you join me?

Okay, I warned you! But, I’m sure you’ll read this anyway and I hope you do.  This has been very heavy on my heart lately and it’s something that we as parents usually don’t want to hear.

As I watch the television shows, go through the many magazines and visit the malls, I am disappointed with what our children are exposed to.  It is very sad to see the fashions that are enticing our children, not to mention the language that is spoken.  What has this world come to?  But have no fear, you can still make a difference.

We as parents or at least I as a parent, want and desire to raise happy, healthy and stable children.  This is a choice and a decision that our family has chosen and mainly because it is the ‘right’ thing to do but also because we want to see our children ultimately succeed as adults.  The rearing begins at home! There I said it!

I’ve heard many, many parents complain and some in tears because of the actions their children take.  Many of these children are disrespectful towards their families, parents, other elders and themselves.  This is when I ask the question – ‘What will you as the parent, do about such behavior?’  Many will look at me with confused looks and many are completely disillusioned and unable to give me an answer.

You see, I am a mom to 5 children and take full responsibility for their actions, their words and their behavior.  Yes, me!! Why? Because I am the parent and their role model.  If I don’t like the way they behave or the comments they say, I must evaluate my parenting skills.  Our children will mimic our every move and our every word.  Perhaps not in front of us, but they do!  So, if you do not like a particular behavior our child may be exhibiting we must look to ourselves.  We must be aware of our actions, words and mannerisms.  We are to blame, not school, society or their friends.

Parents it is up to us to raise happy, healthy and stable children that will lead to happy, healthy and stable adults.  Parenting is not easy which is why we need a support system.  Mom and dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, teachers, neighbors must all be on the same page when it comes to the rearing of our children.  Our children are very smart and will determine a way to break the rules.  Honestly, as a child I’m sure you did the same thing, I know I did.  But if everyone is on the same page, the child has no other choice but to abide by the given rules and boundaries.

So, although this is something that is difficult for us to digest, it is the truth.  It’s never to late to implement rules, boundaries, discipline and consequences.  We can accomplish all of this in a loving and understanding manner, but we must be aware of it first.  Take a look at your children today.  Watch how they act with their friends, their siblings, and even their toys.  You’ll be amazed and what they pick up from us, the positive and oh yes, the negative too.  You can do it! Remember you are never alone, and I am always in your corner.